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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?